I wanted to talk about how we label ourselves, and what this means for our identity. I’ve always identified myself as a social worker, been proud of my profession, of being of service to whanau, to the community, upholding my social responsibility. And after 24 years of a career in social work, I’ve been in an interesting space and time of thinking about what that label has meant for me and my identity. And so recently I have found myself entering a new phase. My ‘why’ has not changed. I’m here to be of service. I’m here to make my contribution. But maybe the words I use to define myself are starting to evolve. They’re becoming broader, more encompassing. So the word that I wanted to share with you today was a word that I’ve been playing with for a little while and a label that I’ve chosen for myself because some labels we are given. I’ve been given the label of social worker. I’ve been given the label of manager. I have been given the role of mother, of wife, and these labels help to explain me to other people. They give me context. But they ultimately don’t help me explain myself to myself. And as I transition through changes of life, like menopause, my children leaving home, I’m bird-launching, I’ve had family members pass away. I find myself searching for my authentic self. Who am I behind all of these labels? Even my name, Rachel, is a label that someone else gave me and one to which I’ve never fully resonated.

So I find myself in this search for my authentic self with this new label, a new definition, which is what I want to talk about today. And the word is being a possibilitarian, which kind of sounds like a made-up word, and that’s partly why I quite like it. The word itself embodies the exact message it is trying to convey. A possibilitarian is someone who believes that anything is capable of happening. It was first coined by Norman Vincent Peale, and what he says is, become a possibilitarian. No matter how dark things seem to be, or actually are, raise your sight and see possibilities. Always see them, for they are always there. And when I think about possibilities, I also think about hope. And we know that hope is a very powerful motivator, and it’s a really important lifeline. So I do want to kind of make a clarity around that statement, becoming a possibilitarian, someone who believes that anything is capable of happening. Because I think our first natural response is to say, well, not anything is capable of happening. You can’t just wake up tomorrow and suddenly be an astronaut. We have to live within the confines of our capabilities. We have to live within our expectations that we give up. I want to point out that this is not about suddenly, magically, things changing. It is about being open to the possibility of things. So instead of thinking about things in terms of achievement, or productivity, or being possible on where we’re at, or what was in our reach, the question is, what can we do if we just stretch ourselves a little bit? The root meaning of the word possible is, capable of making happen. It’s about understanding where we are right now, and seeing what the possibility is for the next step of where we choose to go, because who knows where that next step will take us. So let’s break it down a bit.

The first part of being a possibilitarian is seeing setbacks as opportunities, and wow, this can be a hard one. For those of you who know me, you also know my lovely husband Bob. He grew up on a farm in Riperoth, a farm that his father took on at the age of 17, travelling up from Taranaki, with nothing but a tractor, to turn this land into farmland. Originally sheep farmers, they created a business making animal feed, with divisions in United States, Japan, Australia, they were at one point New Zealand’s largest exporter of animal feed. So from a young man breaking in land with a tractor at the age of 17, Bob’s dad created a legacy, and Bob was all in on this, this family business, his father’s legacy, he was committed, this is what it meant to be part of his family, to be part of this farm. And then one day in 2019, it all went bad, and they lost everything, the farm, their family, and Bob’s identity, and Bob was devastated. So you can imagine what Bob’s experience was like living with me, because my response, congratulations, what an amazing opportunity, and Bob didn’t quite see it that way. It took him a while, and there was a lot of grief, and that is a process that he needed to go through, but slowly he started to see, how often does someone get to stop and reassess their life, consider all our possibilities, and reach for the one that truly makes us happy. We went through quite a process, we explored values, we explored what would bring Bob joy, we had lots of conversations, and we talked about what might be possible. Fast forward now five years, and Bob is a coffee roaster. He has a coffee shop in town, and honestly, I don’t think he has ever been happier. It was a huge setback, and it was a life-changing opportunity. Worth it.

So that brings me to my second point of being a possibilitarian. We have to understand our obstacles. We have to be honest about what’s in the way, because this isn’t just about imagining that we can be something different, and hoping for the best. This is about being realistic around what are the things that are limiting us. But sometimes we have to get really real, because there might be practical obstacles for sure. Money. Our own capacity. I don’t think I’m ever going to be an astronaut, because quite frankly, science is not my strength. There might be environmental changes that need to occur that are limiting us. And we can’t turn back time. I can’t suddenly wake up tomorrow and be 20. But it’s often actually the internal obstacles that are our biggest barriers. What are our limiting self-beliefs? What are the thoughts that stop us from achieving what we want to achieve? I was recently reading an article that said that women will apply for a job if they feel that they fit 9 or 10 out of 10 requirements for that job. They pretty much apply for a job if they feel that they are almost 100% the right fit for that job. Men will apply for that job if they only tick about 6 out of the 10 requirements for that job. So why do we as women limit ourselves like that? What are our limiting beliefs that have become indoctrinated through society that mean that actually women limit their own ability to be able to move forward? And then we sit and we watch people get promoted into roles that perhaps they don’t have the same capabilities that we do. Or perhaps they don’t have the capacity, but what they did have was the ability to see the possibility of them having that job.

So it kind of leads me on to the third point around how to become a Possibilitarian. And that is about building self-confidence. How do we tame that negative self-talk? How do we reduce those limiting beliefs and enable ourselves to really embrace what can be truly possible? And this can be a really tough one because we value humility and we value knowing our place. We have an issue within our society around tall poppy syndrome. As soon as one person kind of gets a little bit ahead of themselves, we like to take them down and just remind them of their place in life. So it can be really hard to actually truly back yourself. It can feel really scary. But the important thing is to know that you are enough. So a trick that I’m trying to learn after years and years of negative self-talk is every time I hear myself say something negative, I tell myself the exact opposite. Rachael, you can’t do that. Rachael, you can. It sounds kind of simple and it sounds kind of trite, but the reality is that if you believe you can or if you believe you can’t, you’re probably right. Yoda said that. And it’s bang on, right? If you believe you can’t, yeah, you’ll prove that to yourself. You can’t do it. But if you believe you can, who knows what the possibilities might be. Another nice quote from Laurie Hunt, where your focus goes, your energy flows. So our thoughts, our beliefs, our attitudes, they all determine our possibilities. Because if we’re focusing on the can’t, the shouldn’t, the not able, the not possible, the not good enough, the limiting beliefs that we hold, then that’s what we will prove to ourselves.

So the fourth step in being a possibilitarian is practicing self-care. So this is not new news, right? We know we need to practice self-care. We need to look after ourselves in every aspect. When we look at Te Whare Tapa Wha, we know that we need to look at our body, our mind, our emotional state, our whānau connection, our social connection, our connection to our whenua, the ground, the environment, the world around us. It can be simple things, eating well, doing a bit of exercise, talking with people. We know these things are the things that keep us well, that keep us focused. But be really conscious about what you focus that energy on in terms of self-care. I know someone who talks a lot about healthy humans. When we work in a world where there is an element of toxicity, where the things that we talk about every day can be harmful, where the environment can feel harsh, the organisational structures can feel challenging, it’s important to have some healthy humans that you can ground yourself with, people you can talk to and feel normal again. Find your healthy humans and actively book them into your time. Make sure you’ve got something in your calendar where you have social contact with people that genuinely bring you joy, that make you laugh and remind you who you are.

So this is just a little moment for me to introduce you to the concept of being a Possibilitarian. Thinking about what are we capable of making happen? How do we take every opportunity and think about what is possible? Are we willing to disrupt the status quo and take the first step to move in a direction to create momentum? Are we able to ask ourselves those questions? What habits are getting in the way? What do I need to shift or change? And what is one step that I might be willing to take right now? When we want to bring things into action, we need to connect with it emotionally, so ask yourself how might it feel if this were possible? Keep an open mind, dream, imagine opportunities, be wildly curious. So I’m just going to leave you with a little activity to think about doing.

So one of the ways in which we can harness our own kind of self-empowerment, our ability to see the possibilities, is when we think of ourselves in our future state and we look back on the people that we are now and we celebrate everything that we’ve achieved. Because if you can imagine yourself doing things, it makes it a whole lot easier to actually then go and do them. So take time to look back at everything that you’ve done, all the things that you’ve achieved. Celebrate yourself, but allow yourself to travel forward into the future and think about the things that you want to achieve, that might be possible. And in your future state, you write to yourself as if you’ve already done those things.

Norman Vincent Peale’s book, in which he introduced the word possibilitarian, is called The Power of Positive Thinking. And it’s not really just about the whole concept of glass-half-full optimism. It is really about how do we create a possibility for ourselves where we’re able to feel in control of our lives again, feel hopeful about our lives and remain in a state of positivity. I know that those of you who have listened to my podcast know that over my career I’ve been in some dark places and I wanted to share with you a tool, I guess, of how to shift that around and feel hopeful again. So if nothing else, I want to leave you with a thought today. Even if it’s just for today, think about what could be possible.

Artwork by the amazing Kelly Rae Roberts